


Fantastic Breasts & Where to Find Them

by ishafel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-12
Updated: 2011-03-12
Packaged: 2017-10-16 21:32:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/169563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishafel/pseuds/ishafel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry tries something outside his comfort zone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fantastic Breasts & Where to Find Them

The laser eye surgery had made it possible for Harry to see without his glasses. Unfortunately it had done little for his reading ability. He stared at the cover of the book Hermione had given him. "Fantastic Breasts & Where To Find Them? I don't think-."

"Beasts, Harry," Hermione said patiently.

"Too bad, mate," Ron said, grinning. Privately Harry agreed, even though he considered himself more of an ass man. It would be much more useful to be able to find fantastic breasts.

"We thought you needed an interest," Hermione explained, discreetly elbowing Ron.

 

"Right. Well, thank you." Harry tucked the book into his bag, vowing to check it later for illustrations before discarding it.

*

"He's a what? Draco Malfoy? Really?"

Remus smirked. "Draco Malfoy, really. It runs in the Black family, you know. There's a new reference book out you might find helpful. It's called Fantastic--."

"--Beasts & Where To Find Them. Yeah, I know. Hermione gave me a copy last week. I might even have it with me," Harry said, rummaging in his bag. "She thinks I need a hobby." He looked up to see Remus blinking at him wistfully.   
"What's wrong?

Remus shook his head. "Oh, nothing. It's just-you've grown up, sometime when I wasn't looking. I was expecting a Fantastic Breasts joke, particularly given Hermione--."

"I've always been more of an ass man," Harry said.

"Oh, me too," Remus nodded.

*

It turned out that Draco Malfoy really was half Veela. Harry stared at the picture in the book, wondering if this was the interest Hermione had meant him to develop. He'd been ordered to retrieve Malfoy from the Muggle police in Paris, where apparently Malfoy had been making a nuisance of himself. Harry couldn't imagine-wings? Were those wings? And a forked tongue? And an abnormally large penis? Harry knew Malfoy hadn't inherited the forked tongue, and he was fairly sure he hadn't had the wings, either.

Just thinking about it made Harry's cock stir, but his office at the Ministry was hardly private enough to indulge. With a sigh, he shut the book and put it away. There would be time, later, to wank. Now he had to find his passport and catch a plane to France.

*

Harry had hoped they would be keeping Draco in the Bastille, which would be a suitably romantic place to cage a thing with wings and a monstrous penis. He was disappointed to find him in a dull, thoroughly modern police station, completely unmolested and unready for rescue. It did not really seem like the kind of job that required a hero, and he suspected Remus had been being sarcastic after all.

In fact, not only did Draco Malfoy not have wings or a forked tongue, but also he was unwilling to leave Paris and the police were unwilling to give him up. Apparently he'd made himself quite a favorite. Harry was forced to produce his Interpol identification and accuse Draco of arms-dealing before they agreed to surrender him. After that he had to handcuff himself to Draco and drag him to the airport.

*

Which led, inevitably, to a truly awkward moment on the plane, which had a very, very small bathroom for two grown men to use at the same time. Harry had-also inevitably-lost the key to the handcuffs some time ago, and did not dare to use an Unlocking Charm in public.

He was amazed to see that Draco's dick was every bit as big as he'd been led to expect. It was roughly the length and width of a Quidditch bat. While Harry considered himself an ass man, he thought he might make an exception for a dick like that. Just looking at it made him want to drool-not that he got much of a chance to look; Draco made him stand facing the door, which involved a number of contortions, particularly when Harry tried to look over his shoulder. It seemed impossible that it could fit in Draco's extremely tight designer jeans, but-

"I have them specially tailored," Draco said haughtily when he ventured to ask. "The designer is a special friend."

Harry thought privately that anyone who got a look at a cock like that-and he included himself-would be a special friend for life, willing to promise all sorts of favors in order to get one's lips around the monster. But he did not dare think too much about it, not while he was handcuffed to the owner of the monster in very close quarters, with any opportunity to relieve his increasing arousal still hours in the future.

*

By the time they arrived at the airport in Heathrow he was nearly in a frenzy of lust. He wondered whether to chain Draco to a railing--preferably an escalator railing--while he slipped away for a moment of privacy, but eventually he settled for discreetly adjusting his trousers. He did not manage to do it discreetly enough, however. Draco stared at him. "I just-had an itch, is all," Harry said defensively. "You know."

"I certainly don't." Draco looked appalled. "Were you-masturbating? In public? Harry Potter?"

"No, of course not," Harry said hastily. "Anyway, you're the one who was arrested in Paris."

"For public drunkenness after a Quidditch match, not indecent exposure!"

"Why were you there anyway?" Harry demanded. "Just to show off your monster cock to the French?"

The smile on Draco's face was coquettish. "It is nice, isn't it?"

"Nice? Nice?" Harry couldn't keep himself from sputtering. "If I'd known you had that thing at school--."

"You'd have done what, exactly? What would you have done with me, Harry? Would you have tied me up and had your way   
with me? Cast Imperius on me and forced me to have my way with you? Is that what you want, Harry? Aren't you afraid I'll split you in two?"

"Fuck," Harry said, loudly and with feeling. A heavy woman with three children in tow turned and gave him a filthy look, and he smiled weakly at her.

"Oh, I'd love to," Draco said. "I'll bet I could make you scream, Potter."

Harry was sure of it. "Wait until we get in the car," he hissed.

"I'm not sure I can control myself that long," Draco smirked at him. "I keep thinking about you under me." He leaned very close and licked Harry's earlobe. Harry squeaked and set about clearing a path through the queue of people waiting for bags. He fumbled the cuffs off on the way through the car park, and it wasn't losing his job that worried him if Draco took off.

*

He didn't let Draco unzip it in his car after all. He kept thinking of something Aunt Petunia had said, about it being all fun and games until someone lost an eye. Having a monster like that out of its cage on the motorway would be asking for trouble. Instead he clenched his hand hard around the gearshift and listened to Draco talk. It was rather like Hogwarts, except infinitely more frustrating.

He made the journey to Hogsmeade in record time. It was hard not to go faster, with Draco in the seat beside him. And they were barely in his flat before he had Draco up against the wall, their bodies joined at the hip as well as the mouth. He might have kept thrusting like that until they both came, but then Draco said to him, "I thought you wanted me to fuck you."

Harry took a step back, and Draco took a step forward, and since Harry's flat was tiny that put them in the bedroom. They landed, together, on the unmade bed, and Draco was on top of Harry. Draco's cock, pressed against Harry's stomach, felt as long and hard and thick as a tree trunk, and Harry wondered if it was too late to express doubts. What if Draco really did split him in half? Would it be like being splinched, only less pleasant? But Draco's tongue was in Harry's ear, and his hand was in Harry's pants, and it was clearly worth the risk. After all, Harry was the Boy Who Lived. He could survive this.

Somehow, without using words or a wand, Draco got both of their clothes off. Harry thought that this was surprisingly enterprising of him, to do things the Muggle way. And then Draco's warm, wet mouth was closing around his penis-and for once, Draco was blessedly silent-and Harry stopped thinking at all. He was close, and then he was very, very close, and just as he was about to come Draco squeezed his balls and he didn't come after all.

"My turn," Draco said, and Harry wondered if selfishness was a Veela trait or just a Malfoy one. But by the time he felt strong enough to protest, Draco had found the lubricating potion in the bedside table, and he had three fingers in Harry. And if his cock was much bigger than that, they were going to have a problem. Draco didn't seem worried, but then why would he be? It wasn't his ass on the line. At least he'd brought his own condoms. Harry wondered if he had to have them custom made.

He bit his tongue when Draco started to put the monster in, but it was more from shock than pain. Whatever virtues Draco was lacking, foreplay wasn't one of them. Still, with every inch Draco pushed into him, he could feel himself sliding further up the bed. If Draco was actually longer than a Quidditch bat, he was going to end up with his head in the neighbor's kitchen, which would be difficult to explain.

After what felt like five or six lifetimes-admittedly pleasant lifetimes-Harry realized Draco had finally bottomed out. That was when the fun started. Because in addition to having the biggest dick Harry'd ever seen in his life, Draco was brilliant in bed. If he'd been equally good at Quidditch, Harry would have proposed marriage to him on the spot. As it was, he enjoyed the ride.

When it was over, and he'd come so hard his eyes had rolled up into his head, he sprawled under Draco's warm, solid body and wondered how the hell he'd let this happen. "A routine pickup," they'd told him. "No need for secrecy. Just fly over, collect him, and fly back." They had not told him, then take him to your place, and tell him to drill you like a well. He would probably lose his job for this. Remus would laugh at him and Ron would never speak to him again, and Hermione would ask him embarrassingly earnest questions. It had totally been worth it. Even if Harry considered himself an ass man. If he'd known during the war that Draco had a cock like that, he would have surrendered without a second thought.


End file.
